If you are a Caregiver....

 I have been there and hope I can help out your distress and offer some positive thoughts...I do wish I had someone share thoughts with me while taking care of my Mom.  I had 2 in laws with Dementia and my Dad had Alzheimers but I was not responsible for them aside from visiting and doing Laundry but my Mom lived with my Family for 8 years. She had brain damage from low sodium...Who knew? You always hear about high sodium causing health issues but so does low sodium.

The brain damage mimicked Alzheimers plus hallucinations. But I digress.

I have 3 sons...one was working in New York and the 2 at home were in 8th grade and a Sophomore in High School. I share that because they were my salvation plus my husband. But eventually they were up and out and about & my husband and I were by ourselves and working at the time while taking care of my Mom. What do I wish I knew?

I truly had very little patience like after cooking 3 different dinners and my Mom did not want any of them. I never sat with her and chatted after work because I was so tired. I did not take her out as often as I could have because she had trouble getting in and out of the car or had accidents 'pull-up' wise. 

What do I wish I had known...For starters...Family...Friends who have a brain disorder do not have connectors working in brain to share their thoughts but.. they are there. They are thinking thoughts all of the time but just cannot share. They might cry, curse, hit, refuse, act negative...take off their clothes...wander...Why?  Because they can..It is the last vestige of independence they can do by themselves. I wish I knew those motives before. When my sisters would visit my Mom...they had an abundance of patience. Perhaps because they were visiting short term. I have to say that if they could have helped more, my sisters would have been there. My older sister was a caregiver for her husband  and my younger sister had 3 young children to raise. But they were blessed with more patience than I. I surely wish I had had more. 

The key is you need help. You need someone to come and help you by giving you some time off. A relative..a friend...a Sibling..or someone you can hire for a few hours. Being a caregiver is truly stressful mentally and physically. 

Doing things to help your loved one stay calmer and happier is another key element. I could have played songs on the computer and had Sing-A-Longs.

I could have taken her for walks in her wheelchair around the neighborhood. She loved the casino but after she had trouble getting into cars, I stopped. I should have found a way. Showing her pictures of relatives might have made her Day brighter. Even reminisce about stories from past. I think it might have evoked some memories.

I am pretty wise in hindsight but stress keeps you from thinking. I now know so much more but not then. I can empathize with anyone taking care of someone. Hey.. taking care of children and a house and spouse is also stressful without some help and time to yourself. Same key elements are the same. Someone to help you by giving you time off for just a few hours and the understanding that anyone with brain issues needs patience from you.

Caregivers.. Everywhere...You might feel overwhelmed every day... or some days..taking care of a loved one with long days and nights and even though I felt like that..I know that caregivers are chosen by the Universe to be that person. You are that Person's special Earth Angel because they DO NOT have anyone else.

I see I was chosen...You were chosen.. and it's hard but you are doing a very good deed in Life even though you might be in tears many days. 

I applaud you and I am here if you ever want to chat.. to vent...ask questions..

No, I am not a medical person..just a retired teacher who has worked while taking care of my Mom at home...24/7 for many years. Caregiving, of course never ends, if you are a parent..or have a mate...spouse or partner..as everyone needs care at some time.

Oh, of course, if you are wealthy, you have a staff but I only know about that through The lives of the Rich and Famous on the Telly.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my first blog or helped you in some way. I guess it's kind of lengthy so apologies...These thoughts have been rolling around since 2009 when My Mom left here and went upstairs. But I still say, I wish I heard some of these thoughts 21 years ago when my Mom moved in with me and my Family. 

I am here for you for whatever comfort I can give...

   Always in Truth..

                      Ina